The trick is how do we maintain control when someone has really hurt us or someone we love or when unfairness rears its head.
1. Control involves thinking, about consequences, about an
event’s effect on us and how much our actions may help or
hurt us, physically or with our relationships or with our
reputation Easy to mention- hard to do, especially in that
moment your fuse is lit.
2. Finding a way to calm ourselves down is the key. How to de-
escalate our anger involves taking some other action.
A few, some obvious, some not as apparent may include:
a. Taking deep breaths
b. Counting-up or down from and to any number
c. Walking away from the person or situation
d. Doing some physical exercise
e. Speaking to someone not involved and objective
f. Getting involved in some challenging activity-puzzle,
project.
g. Tightening, relaxing your muscles, arms, chest, etc.
h. Looking at your angry face in the mirror
i. Using self talk (I am calm, I am still,I am quiet, etc)
Telling yourself how you want to be to maintain control
j. Learning to know and accept what you can control and
what is beyond your control. Knowing this difference
often will be helpful in many situations.
Add you own…………..
Overall method: Anger is energy. Releasing it creates a feeling of calmness. kind of allowing a calm before a storm. This is the thinking behind anger de-escalation. This is the first step toward managing anger, and may be the only step for preventing you from doing something you might regret.
In cases where people have an ongoing relationship, the next phase is to express the cause of your anger and its effect. Creating this awareness can often prevent someone or something from fostering this reaction in the future and continue to maintain peace in a relationship.
Expressing anger without hurting yourself or others will be the subject of a subsequent post.
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